Commentary; Posted: 6/11/03

A challenge to live a significant life

Mark Robertson
Guest Columnist

Look around you tonight at your peers, this will be the last time all of you are together exactly as the FLHS Class of 2003. Never again will all of you meet again as a group ó even when you congregate for reunions, some will not be here with you. Tonight is an important night to share with your classmates, families, and friends ó a moment to enjoy and remember for the rest of your lives.

Two words are used to describe tonightís events, and they come from completely different perspectives. Their definitions are almost opposite in nature, yet they describe the very same event. Some of you tonight prefer to use the word graduation. You are graduating from something ó you are done with your basic educational requirements ó you are done with papers, worksheets, tests, school lunches, passing time, etc. all those good things that have defined a routine for you over the past 13 or more years.

Others prefer to use the word commencement. Commencement has an entirely different meaning ó it is a beginning, a start to something new. Some of you, instead of thinking about being done with things, are looking at how you will use the foundation you already have, to help you in transitioning to new and exciting ventures.

Anais Nin, a 20th century French-born author, had a good handle on things when she stated, ìWe donít see things as they are, we see them as we are.î The way you see your life and the world around you shapes your life and ultimately determines your destiny. Your perspective influences how you invest your time, how you spend your money, how you use your talents, and the value you place on your relationships.

In his book, The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren asked the question, ìHow do you see your life?î He says, ìIíve been told life is a circus, a minefield, a roller coaster, a puzzle, a carousel: sometimes youíre up, sometimes youíre down, and sometimes you just go round and roundî or ìlife is a bicycle with gears we never use,î or ìlife is a game of cards: you have to play the hand you are dealt.î

I would like each graduate to think about how you picture your own life; what is your own life metaphor? The power of the vision you have of yourself and the world around you is extraordinary; your vision controls your perceptions, which ultimately determine your reality. Your view of life and the world around you determines your expectations, your values, your relationships, your goals, and your priorities.

Warren states (and I think he is right on) ìIf you think life is a party, your primary value in life will be having fun. If you see life as a race, you will value speed and will probably be in a hurry much of the time. If you view life as a marathon, you will value endurance. If you see life as a battle or a game, winning will be very important to you.î

You all have completed the basic requirements to receive a high school diploma. On the one hand, that is a big deal. On the other hand, I suppose that one could say ìbig deal.î Both are probably true; you've accomplished much, and deserve to be recognized. On the other hand, if you stop where you are in learning and growing, the world will quickly pass you by. Furthermore, if all youíve learned, and will learn from here on out consists of stuff you read in a textbook, heard from a lecture, or gleaned from the Internet, you will be in trouble. True learning never stops, and it is never confined to the environment of formal schooling.

Last October and November, I had a timeout in my life while I sat at home for five weeks. That time gave me the opportunity to read, to reflect, to learn, and to grow. I came to realize that even pain and anxiety can be a gift that helps you grow, even if they werenít gifts I would've chosen. While out, the encouragement I got was so incredible that I had no choice but to try to get better!

One of the things that had a special impact on me was a little book that was given to me by a friend and colleague. This book resonated with me for some obvious reasons. Anna Quindlen, a syndicated columnist, wrote ìA Short Guide to a Happy Life,î and it is stuffed full of advice on life, not only for you as graduates, but for all of us.

When you look at the faces of a class of graduating seniors, you realize that each student has only one thing that no one else has. When you leave school, there are thousands of people out there with the same diploma you have; when you get a job, there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living.

But you are the only person who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk, or your life on the bus, or in the car, or at the computer. Not the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank account, but your soul.

I donít think we spend enough time in our public school systems working on some of the important things in life we all ought to know. Stuff like balancing rights and responsibilities. Stuff like finding places in our lives for both getting and giving. Stuff like figuring out how to balance competing with cooperating. Stuff like figuring out the values of both pain and pleasure.

I think in some ways we are taking the heart and soul out of schools with the current focus on simplistic measuring sticks by adding more and more standardized tests for students to take. My opinion is supported by lots of research, and our own experiences at FLHS. Students have continued to perform at higher and higher levels here in this school the last number of years, it has far less to do with using tests as accountability measures.

Quindlen describes some of her own life metaphor in her book, rather than use hers, Iíll use mine. Think of your own life metaphor as I describe parts of my own. Here is my resume. Itís not what my professional says, about being a principal.

I am a good father to four good boys. I have tried never to let my profession stand in the way of being a good parent. I never have considered myself the center of the universe, and understand that I need to take care of my mind, my body, and my soul. I care for, and give to others who are less fortunate than myself. I have integrity. I show up. I get in the game, and give it my best, even though I know I am not always the best. I listen. I am a positive mentor. I try to laugh and have fun.

I am a good friend and companion to my wife. I have worked to make my marriage vows mean what they say. I am a good friend to my friends, and they to me. I hang out with them, play with them, converse with them ó do stuff with them. I have integrity. I show up. I get in the game, and give it my best, even though I know I am not always the best. I listen. I am a positive mentor. I laugh and have fun.

If I did not work at those things, and strive to get better at those things in my private life, I wouldnít be very good at my other professional life. My job and my life are certainly intertwined, but clearly, my job is not my life. If your job is your life, you really won't be good at either your job or your life.

Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze over the dunes, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tailed hawk circles over a pond and a stand of pines. Get a life in which you pay attention to the baby as she scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a Cheerio with her thumb and first finger.

Back to Quindlen: ìSo I suppose the best piece of advice I could give anyone is pretty simple: get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger paycheck, the larger house. Do you think youíd care so very much about those things if you developed an aneurysm one afternoon, or found a lump in your chest while in the shower?

ìGet a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze over the dunes, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tailed hawk circles over a pond and a stand of pines. Get a life in which you pay attention to the baby as she scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a Cheerio with her thumb and first finger. Turn off your cell phone. Turn off your regular phone, for that matter. Keep still. Be present.

ìGet a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Each time I look at my own diploma, I remember that I am still a student, still learning every day how to be human. Send an email. Write a letter. Kiss your mom. Hug your dad.

ìGet a life in which you are generous. Look around at the azaleas making fuchsia star bursts in spring: look at a full moon hanging silver in a black sky on a cold night. And realize that life is glorious, and that you have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around. Take the money you would have spent on beers in a bar and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Tutor a seventh grader. All of us want to do well. But if we do not do good, too, then doing well will never be enough.î

Here is my read on where we are at in our society today. I believe we live in interesting times, exciting times. I think sometimes we have allowed ourselves to get so caught up in our culture that we sometimes have forgotten our sense of purpose and have forgotten how to truly live. Weíre rushed, sometimes self-centered, and we can be irate and short-tempered when we donít get our way. Sometimes we demand we get our way, even though deep down we know what weíre asking isnít what is really best for us, our families, or those around us.

We sometimes take things for granted - our health, families, jobs, freedoms, and our country. Many of us have toys and live in places and have things our grandparents wouldíve never dreamed of. By the worldís standards the people in this country are embarrassingly rich, with all sorts of things. Yet often we forget that and grumble about having conflict in our schedules between taking our kids to soccer lessons or music lessons, or having to clean the pool, or we gripe about the high cost of insurance on our cars, ATVs, boats, and snowmobiles. Somehow we have found our glasses half-empty instead of half-full.

For the most part, life is good. Whether we have a ton of money or not, whether we have perfect health or not, or the most talents or not, we all can watch a sunset, catch a fish, read a book, or smell the roses. We can enjoy our friends, neighbors, and families, too. How lucky we are to live in an era when we have access to so much learning right at our fingertips without even having to drive across town.

If your mind is open, you will be surprised at when, where, and how you may learn as you go through life. This school year has been one of the greatest learning times of my own life, and I graduated from high school way back in 1970. I allowed the scare of being sick last fall to be a learning experience for me ó it didnít change drastically what I believe at all, but it certainly reinforced some things I already knew!

Let me go back to Quindlenís words. She says, ìI learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that this is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get. I learned to look at all the good in the world and to try to give some of it back, because I believed in it completely and utterly. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned, even though so many people may have thought I sounded like a Pollyanna. By telling them this: consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a babyís ear. Read in the backyard with the sun on your face. Learn to be happy. And think of life as a terminal illness, because, if you do, you will live it with joy and passion, as it ought to be lived.

ìAnyone can learn all those things, out there in the world. You just need to get a life, a real life, a full life, a professional life, yes, but another life, too. School never ends. The classroom is everywhere. The exam comes at the very end. No one ever said on his deathbed ëI wish I had spent more time at the office.íî

Last fall I had our high school staff watch a National Geographic video entitled ìCelebrate what is right with the world!î The video was the story of what a geographic photographer learned in all his years of shooting award-winning pictures.

He said: You wonít see it unless you believe it. The power of your vision is extraordinary. Trust your vision to go to the edge, the edge is where you really see things happening. The difference between an OK picture and a great one may only be a few seconds away, a few feet away, or looking at something from a slightly different perspective. His profound statement at the end summarized it all - you don't have to be the best in the world, just work hard to be the best FOR the world.

Class of 2003 ó try not to live your life only in a survival mode. Even get past trying to live it in a success mode. Be one of the few on this planet who can say at the end of their journey ó ìI lived my life at a significant mode.î

Listen to the words of Henry Miller. ìLife moves on, whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate, or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for the one who has the vision to recognize it as much.î

Show up. Live a life of integrity. Get in the game. Give it your best, even though you may not be the best Listen. See it. Believe it. Be a positive mentor to others. Try to laugh and have fun. Live a happy life.

Writer Mark Robertson is principal at Forest Lake High School. His remarks are taken from his commencement address on Thursday, June 5.

Top of Page